The Paradox of Being Perceived
Introduction
A lot of people struggle with the paradoxical need to be seen - it’s paradoxical because on one hand we don’t want to be seen, we want to be left completely to our own devices. On the other hand, we have a deep-rooted need to be seen and to have our work and our very being acknowledged by others. Artists especially struggle with these self-contradictory feelings. Because in a way you do want your work to be perceived, you presumably want it to be liked and perhaps even sell, on the other I think artists tend to have characteristics that enjoy not being perceived by others. Whether stereotypically introverted or socially strange, artists tend to be sensitive people, and that sensitivity is both a curse and a blessing.
Sensitivity is a necessity to pick up on and explore the realms of creativity, it makes you more aware and sensitive to the beauty of the world, but also its pangs and pains. It truly is a two-edged sword - and one that the artist cuts through the veil with. It’s important to understand that this sensitivity isn’t about criticism or mean words, and while some people may be more susceptible to that than others, for a lot of artists it's a more fundamental and existential kind of pain that is caused by being seen. It’s a social kind of game, where the identity of how we perceive ourselves clashes with that of how others see us, and while alone there isn’t much thought to it, you simply are as you are. As individuals and with our identities we only exist collectively, I am only me as much as I am not you and it is the discernment and differences between us that sets us apart and separates us. This pain then in being perceived is the idea that we aren’t who we think we are, we’re not as funny, as creative or as smart as we believe ourselves to be when we’re completely ourselves.
The truth is that not everyone is going to like you, just as not everyone is going to hate you and that creates this dichotomy of our identity, if everyone hated us or liked us it would be easy - then we could say we are a likeable or dislikable person, instead we are faced by the confusing and paradoxical reality that we are not one thing set in stone. Accepting and coming to terms with that isn’t a problem for most people - in fact, this statement may seem so mundanely fundamental that it seems rudimentary. For artists, however, this is just one of the many reasons so many struggle with their self-image, and this distorted perception of self is the root of the problem of being perceived. It feels egotistical to want to engage so deeply with the world, and it feels almost equally selfish to want to hide away from it, it’s painful to be alone and it’s painful to be in a crowd of people. There’s good and bad in both, and this tug of war creates an inner schism that will destroy the potential of imaginative minds and ruin the lives of many. Before we move on to dealing with these feelings and how to overcome this split within our being and seek to heal it, first we must understand both sides better.
Invisibility is Invincibility
There is a safety and comfort that lingers in being hidden and alone. There’s no one to judge you, critique you or tell you what to do and what not to do. It’s complete freedom, and it’s perfectly safe. That’s why so many of us enjoy our little bubbles, where we can be ourselves and where we can do what we want. This applies to art as well, if we’re the only ones to perceive it then we don’t have to worry about what others think about it or what kind of impact it can have. With exposure comes all these other burdens and with all these needs. Needs that simply do not exist when we’re the only ones to know about it. There’s no external pressure and this makes this solitary work carefree.
A lot of artists are introverted by nature, they do what they do because they love it and not because of external validation, fame or money and if given the opportunity to work in complete solitude a lot of them would choose it. I know I would. If I was given the money to survive and live in a cave just working I’d be happy to, but of course, this isn’t feasible and there are good reasons for this as well. I am grateful to some extent that this is the case. Because while invisibility may be invincibility to do really good art you also need to be vulnerable, and it is from this vulnerability we grow as people. This happens when we leave the safety and comfort of our bubbles and we gain the courage to be perceived, because you need to get out of that cave and experience the world first-hand to understand it.
We think it’s an extroverted world and that to make it you have to be with your elbows pointing out, cutting down and stepping over people to make it anywhere in the world. We think you have to be massively narcissistic and love attention to want to be perceived, and this simply isn’t true. These are all narratives we make up to give ourselves reasons to not engage with the world, to justify our hiding away, and each one of us has their reasons for wanting to hide away in a shell. There are a million different reasons why, but in the end, they all lead to the same and that’s the safety and security offered. In stark contrast to this desire to be unseen and alone rises the need to be seen.
The Need to be Seen
As human beings, we are social by nature and we are not lone wolves, we live in groups and we form social circles that are vital to our wellbeing and existence, both psychologically and physically. Beyond the social and psychological needs, there is often a material and monetary need to be seen today. Exposure is so powerful some ignorants assume it to be equal to money and offer it in exchange for your services. The need to be seen becomes more than just social and more than receiving praise it becomes a survival tool in our modern world. A lot of artists, especially introverted ones find exposure not as something desirable but necessary - it is the tool which allows them to continue their work and dedicate as much time and effort as they can.
The reasons why artists want to be seen and acknowledged thus vary, and it is often in contrast with their reasoning for wanting to not be seen. Regardless of personality type and work, most of them realise there is some necessity to share their work, and I know a lot of people struggle with this. When I meet creatives of all kinds they’re often hesitant to share their work, they’re self-critical or too humble, usually the former rather than the latter. You can tell by their hesitance that they are ruled by fear. They compare themselves to others and think their work isn’t worth sharing because it’s not good enough, and this is a great shame because they often make wonderful and delightful work that would be cherished. Alas some of them put too much pressure on themselves, and to some having just a few people like your work isn’t enough. If they don’t receive the attention of the entire world they would have been better off without any at all, and it’s a shame because it becomes another reason for them to hide away.
They run away from this vulnerability of being open with others and it causes them great pain. Their souls become lonely, and not in a hermetic way of seeking out something higher, but as an arid and dry existence where they are devoid of both divinity and humanity. They long to be known, and to be honest, loved and cherished but more importantly to be themselves. To not be chained to a mask they have long since outgrown, but to be completely authentic and not to be burdened by the internal pressure of being a certain way. This is why we desire to be known, to be experienced in our fullness as we are.
It is stronger than just the material need to be seen, it’s about being authentic and honest. It’s about being true to life itself, and that’s scary. Where do we find the courage to face this reality and how do we become so comfortable in our skin that we are not bothered by people seeing us?
Sharing is Caring
Being perceived isn’t the end of the world, it’s not even the start of it - and realising this is the first step to overcoming the fear of being seen. Your life doesn’t immediately become better or worse, what being seen really is about is about connection. If we are to truly live by the commandment to “love one another as I have loved you” we must share and we must connect with others, this entails being perceived. Because sharing is caring and love is expressed by connecting with others - sharing memories, experiences and much more. If you are to do your work out of love then you have to do this, as painful, as embarrassing and as boring as it might be - it is necessary, and in the long run, you will understand why. Remove delusions that you have to be an influencer, a celebrity or any kind of important public figure to make a change or to connect with others, it’s not really about changing the world en masse. It’s about individuals and what your work will mean to these people.
Art should inspire and motivate us to be better, to do better and to live richer lives. How can we do that and how can we live by example when we isolate and hide away? Face that discomfort and do not kill the cringe within you, kill the part that cringes. Connect with your fellow man and love your neighbour by sharing your work. Be right at home in your bizarre truth and do not worry about the rest. Understand that people’s opinion of you doesn’t change you, both for good and bad. You don’t become a better person because people like you and you don’t automatically become a worse person because people dislike you.
If you open up to the world and you’re honest with yourself and your work there will always be people who resonate and vibe with that, and you doing that could mean the world to these people. There’s a lot of obscure culture that is beloved by people and it brings them together, and what a wonderful thing that is. With that said you don’t have to and probably shouldn’t share every single aspect of your life, but don’t be afraid to connect with others and I promise if you can be yourself and not worry about being seen or not being seen you will live a richer and fuller life.
Find that inner pool of rejuvenation and draw from it the courage you need. Life rewards courage and behind your fears hides the things you most want. If you struggle with being perceived I advise you to face that fear and to share your work with the world. If you don’t, and if you perhaps fear being alone I advise you to experience that. Whatever it is you should get out of your comfort zone and try to grow as a person. To know what areas you need to grow in you need to take a closer look at yourself and examine your life.
In the end, whether you choose to share or not share your work it won’t have made a huge difference. However, it will have made some difference, perhaps not for yourself but for someone else it will have. If you can’t find the courage for yourself then find it for somebody else. Transcend your selfishness and do it for something greater than yourself.
Final Words
The reason I’m even here writing this is because of the courage of others who dared to be seen. Because the art of others has not only enrichened my life but also saved it, imagine how lonely, how cold and how terrifying your life would be without the colours and musical notes of others. What stands out to me isn’t the popular artists and the famous movies, but rather the small insignificant passion projects of motivated souls who made their work and made it public, not for money, not for fame but just for the love of it. These souls I adore and I love them for it. What my life would be without their courage I couldn’t tell you. This inspires me to create and to do what I do, no matter the amount of people it affects or how people perceive me. Because one person, at the right place and at the right time, doing the right thing can change everything. It can be an interaction with a stranger, or stumbling across a song no one has heard before, if it touches you and moves you in the right direction then it will have been worth it.
The gratitude I feel for these people and their work is stronger than my fear of being perceived. One of the most peculiar insults I ever received was that I was too likeable - and it was true. I was a people pleaser because I desperately wanted to be liked and acknowledged. I don’t do my work for those reasons anymore, I don’t even do it for myself anymore, this has lessened my fear of being perceived. Don’t get me wrong, there are still days where I wish I didn’t have to share any part of my work with anyone, but it’s no longer a burden to share what I do with others. It used to be, it used to be so painful and so embarrassing for me, the internet was a sort of safe place for authenticity because of the anonymity. There is still part of me that likes that privacy and why I work under an alias, and it’s not something that you just decide to fix and you’re absolved of any and all struggles relating to it.
The final words are: do not care so much about what others think and do - you can’t live your life for them and you can’t do your work for them. Share it and don’t mind it, if people like it - great if they don’t then great. It’s not that important in the grand scheme of things. I think the potential for good is far greater by sharing your art than by keeping it hidden. As stated, I struggled and still do with sharing and being open and honest with people, that’s because of my past and my troubles and therefore it’s become extra important for me to overcome that fear. You don’t have to share your passions and hobbies to make money from them, but if you want to you probably have to, but I think it’s more important to share it with the world out of love.
