The Experience of God
The Search for Divinity
Since the dawn of humanity we have been searching for something greater than ourselves - exactly what is the drive behind our search for divinity is heavily debated, and in the thousands of years we have debated theology we're about at the same point we started. Theists believe the experience and communication of God to be fundamental to our spiritual lives. The search for God is explained in a couple of different ways: but in any theistic worldview the search for God is fundamental to existence itself and without that search, there is simply no existence. To find and experience God is the purpose of a lifetime. On the other hand, we have atheists who explain humanity's search for divinity as a by-product of evolution or perhaps a psychological disadvantage, or advantage depending on who you ask. There are as we can tell three camps: theistic, atheistic, and agnostic. The only one left to discuss is agnostic which is a bit of a funny word compared to the other two. Theism is derived from the Greek word: Theos - meaning God/Divine/ and atheism is derived from atheos - meaning without Theos. A more accurate understanding in English may be to understand the words as Godly and ungodly. Agnostic however is a bit different, not denoting any divinity per se. Rather it is derived from the Greek word Gnosis. Gnosis is a well-discussed ancient Greek word - being a common noun for "knowledge". Gnosis came to be a well-used term around Hellenistic philosophers like Plato and religious leaders in the area. From this usage, it came to be a concept for a different kind of knowledge. A special kind of knowledge surrounding the mysteries of a variety of cults and philosophies. Later by the adoption of the word by early Christian sects - collectively referred to as "Gnostics" the word came to refer specifically to an innate spiritual insight into the reality of humanity's nature as divine. Therefore gnosis came to mean "Knowledge of divinity" - an agnostic is therefore somebody without the knowledge of God, somebody unknowing of divinity. However, in today's conversation, a theist is somebody who believes in the existence of a higher power, an atheist is somebody who rejects the existence of a higher power and an agnostic is simply somebody who neither believes nor rejects the existence of divinity. An agnostic is somebody who either believes the divine to be unknowable or hitherto unknown. To the agnostic usually - the search for divinity is not special nor worth any less than any other question in life.
With these three frameworks, we can understand the basics of why people search or do not search for divinity. Your understanding or theory as to why people do what they do - doesn't make a difference. The fact of the matter is that people do. If you believe it to be a pursuit of fairytales or a noble quest for understanding reality it really doesn't change what people do. It seems to be as natural to humans as any other of our social and cultural phenomena. Religion has been with humanity since its conception, at least as far as we know and understand. Of course, we project our ideas and understanding of what historic people did through this lens - we look at the artifacts of civilizations before ours and we assume them to be somehow more primitive than us, and in our modern and secular world we often see religion and superstition as a primitive thought. Something our ancestors did and believed in. So when we find statues of animals or we find cave paintings we automatically assume they must have worshipped these as divine entities. This search for divinity is so ingrained in us - that even if we don't believe it personally we project it onto other humans and assume them to engage in this kind of behaviour. I've often wondered that if future people would find some of our tacky home décor of animals, or memes of frogs and the like - if they would believe we worshipped them in some religious way.
The search for divinity is not only religious and it's not only found in adults. Without getting into the semantics of what religion is and entails we can safely say that the search for a higher power and the experience of one can be without the socio-cultural framework which is religion. Religion seeks to aid in that search and provide a proven set of methods and rules for that experience of God. Ever since my childhood, I have engaged in a search for something greater and higher than myself. I was always interested in mythology and religion. With my friends, we would make up pretend religions and dance around a fire - chanting and "worshipping". One of my earliest memories is me laying in my bed asking myself "How can this be?" referring not only to this particular situation but to all of reality. I was wondering how could it all exist, how could I be alive and experience things, how could my family also exist. This is as far as I can tell my first existential awareness - an awareness and realisation of consciousness itself. In my teens, I developed an interest in philosophy, an extension of this early search for something greater than myself, something larger than life. What follows is a long story of experimentation and exploration into a wide array of esoteric and exoteric knowledge, but instead of delving deeper into that: let's discuss what happens when a person starts to search for divinity.
The Seeker is the Finder
Having established that the search for divinity exists and is common let's ask ourselves: who are we to believe of these seasoned seekers? Is the experience of a higher power something we should look for? Is it a waste of our time? Is it a fruitful endeavor and what do we stand to gain should we begin to search for God? If we ask the atheist it's a waste of time - but equally to the same nihilist and moral relativist it doesn't matter, do whatever you wish. It's your life and you're free to waste your time engaging with fantasy as much as anything else. If it brings you more positives than negatives it is worthwhile. Therefore from this frame of mind, you have to figure out what you stand to gain or lose, you can perhaps give it a try and see if brings you any peace or joy. But perhaps we shouldn't ask the hiker who has never set out on the path to reach the top of the mountain what the peak is like - if we are serious about the experience of something greater than us perhaps we should look to those who have set out to search for it. Most atheists will not have sought out to find God, they usually come to their line of thinking through observing others or having been forced into a culture and set of rules regarding the experience of God. They haven't approached the search and connection to a higher power on their terms, they have instead been indoctrinated by dogma or shunned by others. There is nothing that makes more atheists than dogmatic and controlling religious people. What then do the theists say?
The theists firmly claim that God is real and the experience of God is vital and essential to the wellbeing of not only our physical bodies but also our souls - some even going as far as claiming this is the very purpose of our existence. To realise divinity and to assimilate with it. However, if you're to ask a theist or a theologian what God is you might get a large assortment of different, vague, and abstract answers. It seems that even though they've all set out on the same mission: finding God - most of them have arrived at different answers. The mystics however claim that the answers may be different but the experience of God is one and the same - that in fact at the core of this mystical experience is a unity that transcends human language and understanding. All of these believers have set out for the search of God, and all of their journeys have led them to believe. Whatever it is they've found it's become a testimony to their beliefs and has cemented their intellects and hearts in a deep-rooted knowledge of themselves and their reality. Alas, it's not all flowers and sunshine - some things are better not known and with the belief in a greater good also comes a belief in a grand evil. Discerning between the two is the real test of the seeker - as with most theists - they think their understanding and their experience of God is the right one. The wicked one leads astray and betrays other well-intent seekers, and instead of a genuine experience with divinity, they make a deal with the devil. These problems come with the gift of free will and the consequences of our actions.
Each of us has to decide if we should seek out God, and should we decide to - we should do so with a pure heart and good intentions. With our intelligence and wit, we should discern divinity from devilry and should keep constant watch that we are not taken advantage of and that we are not fooled. For there are always people ready to take advantage of us; people who will sell lies and misinformation all for their selfish gains. With the clear realisation that unity and love are part of the higher, we can discern the lower from it by seeing what purpose it serves. Follow the advice of the mystics - do not serve the self as it is a false idol, the ego makes itself a god. No - the nature of divinity is its plural singularity and its paradoxical nature - you can't reason or logically understand or even experience God through the lens of the world. Like is known by like and as you understand and know yourself so shall you know God. You need to look no further than to see people's behaviour to see what they serve. If your God is loving, forgiving, and all-knowing how can you be spiteful, vengeful, and questioning? No, you will know what God you serve by your thoughts, deeds, and actions. If your actions are misaligned and your conscience gets the better of you then be grateful and repent - God has made you conscientious. You can easily recognise what you worship through this and with great lucidity you will understand what others serve by their deeds and behaviour. In my journey, it took me a long time to understand this and to truly discern between what I now perceive to be two completely different forces. With that in mind, I want to talk about a common fallacy in contemporary times - the misconception which is the expectation of ecstasy.
The Expectation of Ecstasy
When we hear words like "God" and "divinity" we expect something so positive and so incomprehensive that just the thought of experiencing these concepts seems to blow our little minds. We expect to be swept off our feet and that our experience of something higher should be so reality-bending that we can't comprehend it and the very realisation of it should drive us to the brink of madness. We constantly hear and see about these expectations, especially in our contemporary and secular society; it seems in a world where seeing is believing that if we can't be overwhelmed by the experience it can't be trusted. It leads the spiritual seeker to seek out sensuality and to trust their physical senses to experience and feel something metaphysical. This explains the popularity of new-age practices and beliefs and their focus on sensuality, controversy, and shock value. Tantra, breathwork, yoga, and psychedelics are but a few examples of this: they're all claimed to be methods to experience divinity and to get closer to the most high through a high - a bodily and mental rush. This sets a barrier to experiencing God - to feel connected to the divine something must be altered: your breath, your mind, your posture, etc, and it must be altered in such a way that the altercation has a noticeable effect on your consciousness. It creates this idea that your mind as it is, is not enough to experience divinity - that through chemical and physiological change your consciousness can come face to face with the mystical experience. These practices and experiences are explosive, they're right in your face and they've been used for a very long time as a way to convince people in cults that the cult leader has access to the key to divinity; that they are the only way to God. This change in consciousness is visceral and tangible and can convince even the most hard-faced empiricist. I was even convinced for a bit.
Breath is a very powerful thing and it can cause a real change in consciousness, through oxygen intake you can change and regulate blood pressure as well as chemicals and hormones in your brain. People aren't lying when they say you can get high on your breath. I asked myself at some point: am I having a spiritual experience or am I just starving my brain from oxygen and hallucinating because of it? There are a lot of tricks our mind can play on us, and they don't all have to be caused by drugs. Sleep deprivation, sensory deprivation, and other physiological states can cause real changes in our active perception and consciousness. As well as mental illness, and this is a common trope when it comes to religious experiences. To the skeptic, anything out of the ordinary can often be reduced to something of the above. It reinforces the idea that religion is something that belongs to the mentally ill. With all these ideas spoon-fed to us that the experience of God has to be so extraordinarily wild and otherworldly that it must pick us up like a hurricane and throw us a hundred miles away from our reality - how can we discern these experiences from more genuine ones? It took me a long while to be critical of these and it only hit me like a truck when I was listening to the words of an Eastern Orthodox hieromonk.
Seraphim Rose was an American hieromonk who before his baptism into the orthodox church of California studied Chinese philosophy and even studied under Alan Watts for some time. Rose was the first spiritual searcher I heard question these ideas. He vehemently opposed the sensuality of new-age spiritual practice and claimed boldly that these experiences are devilish. Rose believed that God's nature is subtle and that the experience of God is more akin to equanimity than ecstasy. The thrills and the rush are tricks of the devil to convince us, it's a display of power and theatrics to fool us. Not only was this a breath of fresh air, and an intriguing philosophical and theological stance to me, but it also resonated with my heart and it was a clear epiphany. I took to silence to reflect on it and realised that the most profound experiences I had had weren't the overwhelming reality-shattering and mind-numbing explosions of consciousness but rather the quiet and mundane experiences. The closest I had been to an experience with God wasn't dancing to deafening poly-rhythms, elated and electric - no, it was a quiet midnight, weeping on my kitchen floor with the moonlight coming in through the window, the whole world was still, only the gentle trickle of my tears breaking the mute atmosphere.
The Subtle and Sublime
The nature of divinity is delicate, it's a fundamental underlying reality to what we perceive and experience. It's humble and calm, not flashy and in your face. It's silent and comforting - the very opposite of abrasive and commanding. At least according to my understanding. If you want to find out yourself you can - that much I can promise you. The seeker is the finder and should you set out on this search I guarantee that you will find answers.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8
It might not be what you expect, the answer you find might terrify you, it may shock you, or it may do nothing for you. I can't tell you that - nobody can. It can be life-changing or it can be so mundane that you just forget about it. Only you can determine that. Set out on your terms and conditions, listen to those who have gone before you, and understand with an open heart and an open mind. Most seekers do not ask to find the Truth - when they pray they ask to be shown a sign, without any specification of what kind of sign. They ask for fireworks and manifest something that will convince them and lead them astray. When you seek ask that you should be disillusioned, pray that your false perceptions and your false understanding shall be crushed and that it shall make way for the Truth; then you will experience God. Pray for guidance, for a light heart and to not be led astray, do not waste your time asking for proof of power; ask simply that you shall be able to shed your lies. Approach the quest for divinity with humility, honesty, and courage and you will experience the sublime nature of reality. Do not be overconfident in the things you have read and understood, do not cling to the safety of your understanding - be ready and open to accept the idea that all you know is wrong. Pray that all falsehood should disappear and then see what remains - if you were right nothing shall have changed. But if you found yourself surrounded by a miasma of misconception and dishonesty you will soon find your world crumbling around you.
Rid yourself of preconceived notions and expectations - be honest with the people around you and yourself. Do not use your search as a method to bolster your ego and pride, do not wear it like a medal to be leveraged against your fellow seekers. Seek out justice, truth, and humility, and let these guide you toward divinity. Theosis is the way towards divinity - it is a unification with God, a sublime experience of the most high. Like is known by like and only through embodying the spirit of what you seek shall you experience it and know it. You can only know God if you know love, most of us do not however know love.
We expect love to be a thrill, to be fluttering anxiety, and we expect to sweat while our heart wants to jump out of our chests. We expect this fight-or-flight reaction with our partners because we're constantly sold this idea of love through media and culture. This is at best infatuation and at worst toxic. Love is calm, forgiving, and peaceful - it shouldn't trigger your survival instincts, it should make you feel safe and tranquil. It's not a storm that drags you under the water and suffocates you - it's an oasis in the desert. As you hear our expectation of divinity is the same; it comes from a place of misunderstanding and misinformation, we are guided by past trauma and generational curses rather than the Truth. Break the evil circle and experience love for what it is: peace. The experience of God is the same - so ordinary it might make you fall asleep out of boredom, but it will be by far the best sleep you've had in your entire life.
Ultimately we have yet to answer the question of whether or not to search for this experience: ultimately it is up to you. I’m not here to convince you one way or another. If you’re curious, if you’re looking for answers, or if you’re looking for some meaning - try it. If you’re desperate, if you want to know yourself better, or if you want to see what the fuzz is about - go out there torch in hand, and go soul-searching for God. The testimonies of converts should be enough to make anyone curious. God is a cure for addiction, and criminality, and overall seems to be a real life-changer for a lot of people, maybe they’re lying, maybe they’re delusional or maybe they’re really onto something. You won’t know unless you go out there digging. Just stay safe and be careful - I wish you the very best on your journey.
