Dealing with the Rejection of Your Artistic Work
Introduction
We will face rejection in life - it’s inevitable for most of us. Rejection comes in many forms, including romantic, professional, personal, and more. This post will focus on professional and artistic rejection, but its lessons can be applied to other areas of life. What is tough with rejection is that it feeds into the idea that we’re not enough, we’re not good enough, we’re not beautiful enough, we’re not this and that, and that can be tough, and it can be challenging to find self-confidence after such a blow to our being. While some of it can be ego and we can learn not to take things personally, there’s a deeper layer to it because it’s not only our egos that are hurt by rejection, especially when it’s a rejection of our core beliefs, passions and life’s work it becomes a rejection of us as human beings in our entirety. Therefore, focusing on artistic rejection, we’ll be looking into that last part: what we can do and how we deal with the strength to carry on when our life’s work is being rejected.
This post will be divided into two major parts: how we deal with rejection in the moment and how we recover after it. The truth is that spite is an incredibly powerful motivator. If we’re confident in our work and our message, then nothing will keep us down. We simply recover. However, to get to that point, we need to deal with rejection in the immediate moment because that’s where it hits. Like any other emotions, the ones we’re left with after rejection will eventually fade and go away, we just need to learn how to deal with them then and there so that we don’t linger in that negativity.
Personally, like many others, I have had my fair share of rejection and nowhere has it been as tough as when it comes to my art. It’s tough on another level because it’s not just a representation of who I am but also an extension of me; it’s in many ways more than me. So, before we delve into dealing with rejection and how we find the strength and self-confidence after the fact, I want to explain a little bit more about why this kind of creative rejection has been the worst in my experience.
The Rejection of Your Work
When it comes to personal or romantic rejection, it often involves things outside of our control, such as our personalities, height, looks, and much more. While this can be devastating and feel incredibly bad, rejection of our artistic or professional work is something else. It’s something we’ve worked hard for and gone out of our way to make and improve. It is often something we’re in control of, and it’s also deeply personal to us. If you work in a factory and you accidentally mess something up and it’s rejected, then you don’t take that personally, or maybe at worst you feel like your ability to work was rejected but art is different because it’s not something you do on behalf of somebody else or by somebody’s order. It’s something that comes straight from your heart, mind and soul.
On one hand, this is fine because art is subjective and we like different things; there is no universal set of rules to judge the value of art or human expression. But there is this clash between this fact and how art is talked about, especially in the art world. Following the advice of any successful artist or listening to what galleries are looking for, it’s always the same message repeated: BE YOURSELF.
This strikes at the core of the dilemma: that we’re told and sold this idea that art is successful and lucrative if we’re just ourselves. It creates this inner dichotomy, which then reinforces the idea that we are not enough. Now, this rejection is no longer just professional; it’s deeply, deeply personal. No longer is it enough that we should be good at our craft; we also need to be ourselves. Being ourselves translates into fitting into the mold others want us to be: because you can’t be too this and can’t be too that. You need to be the perfect amount of lukewarm, inoffensive, controversial self-thinking sheep the herd has ever seen. You have to stand out - but not too much; you have to be intellectual, but not pretentious; you have to be emotional, but not so much that you’re unstable and uncontrollable. You have to nod your head along and agree with the politics, ideals and goals of the bigger players, and you have to be a comfortable and conforming anti-conformist. You can’t be too normal, too bland, you have to be eccentric and extra as any good artist is. A strong individual but just not too weird and fringe, just the right amount. When our work is being evaluated, it’s not only compared to others but we as people are as well; it’s no longer just our ideas and skill.
Not being liked is one thing, because not everyone you meet will like you, nor will you like them. Nor will everyone you meet like your work and so on. This is perfectly natural and normal, and this realisation is one of the ways to deal with this rejection. However, knowing this still doesn’t make it any easier. I think it becomes extra tough because it’s not just your work or your ability to showcase what you do that is at risk, but your entire livelihood. This is where it becomes extra important to separate yourself from it, and the best thing I have found to deal with this kind of rejection is the realisation that my work isn’t dependent on others. Not in the slightest. It’s a privilege I do not take for granted that I can spend as much time on art as I do, but I also wouldn’t stop creating if I had less time. Nothing and nobody can take that away from me. My work isn’t determined by the rejection I face, and it will surely continue to be rejected, but in spite of it, it will persevere.
Dealing with Rejection
Dealing with rejection is learning to deal with ourselves; after all, we’re not responsible for the fact we may be rejected, but we are responsible for how we react to and deal with it. There are many ways we commonly deal with rejection, and it’s important to know some of the negative ways we may deal with it to be aware of them and be able to deal with them in the moment. A very common one is engaging in cognitive distortion. This means we may apply for a job that we do not get, and as a result, we distort our perception of the situation and tell ourselves that we are unqualified to get any job. Blowing things out of proportion and making rejections seem larger than they are. It’s important to remember this and to take a look and realise that a rejection isn’t a definitive and absolute answer denying you from all future endeavours. Take that rejection and turn it smaller, accept that it is what it is and that there will be more opportunities, and it’s not the end of the world. If you know yourself to make small things bigger than they are, remind yourself of this and be kind to yourself. Nonetheless, this can, in turn, lead to a strong emotional response.
Emotional responses aren’t uncommon, but the kind and how strongly we feel them vary from person to person. Having a very strong negative emotional response to rejection can be very damaging and difficult to cope with. There are many different determining factors to the kind of emotional response and the severity of it that people have, and it includes factors like childhood trauma, personality, mental health and more. People take different rejections differently, and some rejections might be more difficult than others. While we can’t always control how we feel and the emotions that bubble up to the surface, we can learn how to deal with them and how to cope with severe emotional responses. Developing emotional maturity, taking care of our mental health and practicing ways to deal with emotions are good ways to be able to handle rejection more gracefully. Knowing ourselves is key to preparing to deal with rejection and handling it the right way.
We should avoid comparing ourselves with others, as this doesn’t help us or the people around us. It only drags both of you down. Instead, rejoice in their success and allow it to motivate you towards your own goals. Rejection only becomes more painful if we compare ourselves to others. Focus on yourself and what you can do, and very importantly, don’t let your fear of rejection hold you back. This is by far the worst thing. This fear itself is a hundred times worse than rejection. Because this stops you in your track before you’ve even begun.
There are several more healthy ways to deal with rejection. Instead of dwelling on the negatives and letting them pull us down, we should shift our focus to the possible positives that rejection can bring. Rejection can be a source of strength and self-confidence.
Finding Strength and Self-Confidence
If we engage with rejection in a healthy way, we can use it to help ourselves. First, we must let go of self-blame. Sometimes, rejection is because of a decision we made, and that’s fine, but we have to learn and let go. Ruminating on the past isn’t going to help us move past it. We have to take responsibility and look at ourselves critically but not harshly, to recognise what we could change but not to beat ourselves up. Instead of using it to justify why we’re unworthy, we can use it as an opportunity for growth. But we have to engage with it in a healthy and constructive way. We can learn from it and use this knowledge moving forward.
Don’t let the inner critic win; instead, let it take a back seat and approach the whole ordeal a little more kindly. Especially if you’re a person who is prone to strong emotions. Be nice to yourself. Remind yourself of the good you’ve done and how far you’ve come. For some, even applying for a job is a big step, getting rejected from it doesn’t take away that achievement. Rejection is a specific situation, and you have done a lot of other things outside of this specific situation. I find this especially helpful when I apply for several art shows or galleries. In the end, yes, they didn’t want to host my work, but I’ve still finished and made the paintings; that’s a win in my books.
If you are the type of person who feels emotion strongly and reacts negatively to rejection, then find the strength in that. Use it to your advantage and feel your emotions. It can be tempting to bottle them up and push them forward, but that doesn’t help. If you’re able to feel them and deal with them immediately, you will move on much quicker, and you can get back to it. I also find that spite is an incredibly powerful motivator, and that’s what I get when somebody tells me I can’t do something. I become very spiteful, and in a quest to prove them wrong, I put a lot of energy into what I do. I use that emotion and energy to propel me forward.
However, toxic positivity also isn’t the solution to dealing with rejection. Feel your emotions and accept that sometimes things don’t go your way. Don’t downplay your emotions and feelings, and don’t bottle them up or ignore them. Sooner or later, that stuff comes to the surface, and then it can get really ugly really quickly. It’s okay to let rejection motivate you, but it’s also fine to admit that it feels terrible sometimes. Not everything has to be sunshine and fine all the time. Acknowledge negative feelings, but do not give up.
It’s important to have faith, I think. Remind yourself of why you’re doing what you’re doing, and find your reasons. Remember that if you truly believe in this and that it’s important to you, then you will find a way. Don’t give up because you’ve been rejected; instead, look towards how far you’ve come. I used to set the goal that I want to have one art exhibition within this time frame, but now, instead, my goal is to reach out to X amount of galleries. Undoubtedly, this means a lot of rejections. Out of a hundred applications, I’m probably lucky if I get one, so instead of focusing on getting that one, my goal is simply to do the applications. This means I can’t fail in my goal, and I feel less bad about it.
As stated previously, I’m not going to stop making art, and even if nobody reads what I write or looks at what I paint, I’m going to continue doing it simply because I love it. I love creating, but I despise sending out applications, and that’s fine. The entire process doesn’t have to be black and white, there are downsides and upsides to everything. There are sacrifices we have to make and uncomfortable things we have to do to achieve what matters to us, and it’s okay to admit that it can be painfully hard, but we shouldn’t linger on it and dwell on it to the point where it stops us from doing what we love.
Final Words
It can be difficult when you learn about all the things you need to succeed in the art world, and it is up to you. We're told to get into galleries, we have to be "ourselves", have a unique artistic voice and so on, and this means that the rejection of our work is not only a rejection of what we do but of ourselves as well. It builds up this idea that we're not enough because if all we have to do to succeed is to be ourselves, then clearly we are not enough.
Dealing with rejection can be tough, and if not handled and dealt with properly, we can develop a fear of rejection - something that will only hold us back. It’s important to recognise negative thought patterns and to take the necessary steps in dealing with rejection healthily and constructively. If done correctly, we can use rejection as a tool for growth and a motivator. This isn’t to say that it’s easy or that simply being more positive and mindful about it is going to make it much easier; it’s important to acknowledge negative emotions and that it can be hard to deal with rejection, especially if we face it again and again. It can be difficult not to take it personally, so instead, we should focus on reminding ourselves of our personal victories. Set attainable and reasonable goals, and don’t beat yourself up too hard.
Be honest with yourself and recognise flaws, and seek out ways to improve for future attempts. Use rejection and failure as stepping stones on your journey. Recognise that it’s okay to feel beaten down and learn to deal with these emotions instead of ignoring them. They won’t go away just because you turn your head and focus on other things. Don’t blow things out of proportion; be honest and real with yourself. Recognise that rejection is just one specific situation and that it doesn’t determine your self-value as a whole.
Try not to compare yourself with others; your rejection and success don’t rely on others. Focus on yourself and what you can do. Envy doesn’t help either party. See to yourself and the spheres which you influence, the things that are within your control you can change and improve, but what is outside of it you have no power over.
Don’t despair when you get rejected; instead, use it as a motivator and a source of inner strength and confidence. You can always delude yourself and tell yourself that whoever rejects you, you’re too good for (this is what I do). Try not to take rejection personally and remind yourself of what you’re struggling for. Keep faith and trust in the process. I like to remind myself of this sentence:
“What’s meant for you will not be missed”
