Paintings 2021

One night like many others, I was gazing upon the river flowing beneath my house. Towering above it was the full moon and in the cold of the night, everything was still, only the stream of the water moving ever so slightly. This made the moon's golden reflection glimmer on the water in an unfathomable beauty. Completely consummate I pondered the reflection and the light took to my heart, I looked at it in awe knowing that its beauty could never be captured. No photograph or painting could ever do it justice, poor mockery and imitation it would be; however this did not sway the jester in me, who set to work on trying to capture the essence of that beauty I witnessed.

This imagery is at the centre of the painting, looming above the reflection is the figure of the moon in the shape of a hooded woman. The title of the painting "Mater Suspirorium" is dog-Latin combining the words: mater- matron, and suspirium; being a deep breath, or gasp. Referring not only to how the moment took my breath away in its awe-ful beauty. But also a reference to one of my all-time favourite movies, the 1977 "Suspiria" by the Italian director Dario Argento.

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Created in the heat of summer, the Autumn's Star is a mix of old and new methods for me. The background turned out better than expected and the canvas' white functioned as a great washed tone for the beach. It came about in a process of washing off the paint with water, the rowboat by the water like many other things came about by chance.

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In the winter month's we celebrate the return of the Light, during the winter equinox the longest night washes over us, as a herald of the brighter days to come. This serves as a reminder that it gets darker before it gets brighter.

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A story of being hurt, finding your way in the dark and cold night, to come home to warmth and light. It is a tale of how tears can nourish new life and about the rare desert flower which blooms in the dead landscape. Guiding light by the eye, rising from the ashes the stream of life takes you where it sees fit, guiding you to your highest self. Wounds heal and they may leave scars and these are your medals earned in the psychic wars.

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This painting took on many different forms and shapes before finally settling for a face. Because of this the layers of paint have been creatively mixed and hidden in it lies the story of every part of its evolution. This piece is a prime example of trusting the process and following your intuition. I had given up on this painting several times before I finished it, I never thought it could be anything good and I contemplated painting it over completely and starting all over, however I let it sit instead and as the image was left alone for sometime in darkness it started to grow and when I found it a year or so later I continued working on it, with a new found inspiration and appreciation for it. You may spend a lot of time working on a piece thinking it's about to be finished, only to come to the realisation that you've barely finished the background to it.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the one eyed beast that lives in each and everyone of us, its ethereal tentacles reaching out from our heads pulling in whatever it sees fit. It feasts on materialised experience, on your past and dreams, and with sharp teeth does it chew them.

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This piece was started shortly after I received the news of a friend's overdose and hospitalization. It was months after the event when she eventually told me out of the blue, it made me feel terrible and like a bad friend. I had hoped that if she was feeling so bad she'd be willing to try and take her life that she would at least try to reach out to me. Of course I don't blame her, I know and understand the pain but it is so easy to feel helpless about such situations, it's like standing on the side watching a car crash. You have no power to change anything and your only option is to keep looking or turn your eyes away, and I do not know which is worse.

The painting then is a story about addiction. A spiral the lonely and depraved walk, it is a very vicious cycle; one which is not easily broken. The opium flower is a beautiful yet deadly allure, whose intoxicating effects turns regular people into fiends. I have known many people who has struggled or still is struggling with substance abuse and addiction. The substance has all been different but just like the opium flower all of them offer a beauty which lures the person in, it may be an allure of escape or of relief, it varies from person to person. However once you're in that spiral the way is the same for most.

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Riddled with symbolism and various themes, Näken was in several ways a breakthrough and a returning to an older way of creating art for me. When I started a lot of my work would be detailed around symbolism and layering different, seemingly random things together. In a technique I later found out to be automatic drawing. When I later got really into painting the use of this kind of technique diminished due to the amount of work it takes, especially colouring all of it, when I draw in all black it was easy to fit so many things into a small image. This painting was in many ways a way back to that for me, and while it isn't as full of imagery as some of my drawings, it is still very rich in things to look at. The size of the canvas was also new for me, and working in such a large scale I really wanted to make the most out of it.

The entire process was painstakingly long and the amount of detail work, redoing and fixing took a very long time. It was one of the most difficult works I've worked on to finish, and the painting struggled with me to be finished. However it eventually was and I had gained a lot of insights as well as new understanding of not only painting but also myself. The painting was sold to a friend of mine.

The centre of the piece is about the tree of life and the entire piece was related to an experience I had when I was doing some breathwork. I had a sensation in my head as if two fangs by a serpentine force had struck me in the back of my head and broken through the shell of a seed that was hidden in there. From the holes punctured the rest of the shell cracked and immediately a giant translucent and glowing tree sprouted towards the skies. As I inhaled the branches of the tree expanded with my breath.

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It is said that Iblis didn't bow before Adam because he would only bow before his Creator and none of his creations. Iblis is not fallen or disgraced, but serving his God exactly as intended and without questioning. Being false light - Iblis leads those who can be mislead, astray, like moths to lamp they become trapped and so no insects come to paradise to leech on its green leaves and to eat its garments.

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In the centre of some resides a spirit of fire; whose burning desire can't be quenched.  It brightens a dark room and with its energy it moves about with great speed, igniting passion in every soul it touches. Around these spirits its easy to get burnt, and eventually they burn out when they run out of fuel.

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